He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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