i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ok first of all what the fuck
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
