fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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