Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
