But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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