I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
