someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize