I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
