I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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