I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize