i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
do nipples grow back?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
