Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
