you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
