i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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