need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
