I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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