They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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