she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
