At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
