Got a toothbrush?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
