If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
