Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
