it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
