you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
