I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
