my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
