Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
