I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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