apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Every concussion has its silver lining
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
