Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
