If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
