You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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