i think i have two assholes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
