It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize