you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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