My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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