you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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