Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
