...so i touched it.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
