I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
