i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
