Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
try to milk me bitch
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