i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
