If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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