im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
