I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
I just made the most āsingle lifeā Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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