Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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