I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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