I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
