I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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