smell my finger.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
