Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
