Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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