i think i have herpe
just one?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
