we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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