I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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