My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
