oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude. I can hear the air.
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