ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You're like the curious george of whores
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize