Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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