Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We need to get me chipped asap
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
