All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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