you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
