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Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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