I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
