I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
