This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize