kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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