I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
