It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
