if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize