He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
