He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
