R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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