Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
