im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
vagina is talking i cant
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
